Happy Valentine's Day!
After somehow getting my heart broken by a man I’m not even in love with (Seriously, how does that happen?!), I’m really not feeling having to write a Valentine’s Day post right now. But, this blog is about love and Valentine’s Day is all about love. I can no more take the day off than an employee at Walmart on Christmas Eve. So I’m sitting here thinking about Valentine’s Day Past, Present and Future.
2014 – I’m on a second date. I reluctantly agreed to it, knowing that it’s really a lover’s holiday and that we’ll be surrounded by lovey-dovey couples who are much further along in their relationships than us. He could only get reservations for 5:30 or 9:30 PM. I opted for the latter, ate a power bar and took a power nap to prepare. While a little awkward, given the newness of our relationship compared to the other diners', I find myself loosening up and really enjoying myself. I’m with a brilliant, successful, well-travelled man whom I can talk to about politics and religion and current events (I do wish a little that he was into pop culture, but oh well). By the time dessert arrives, my heart sinks. I realize that I really like this man. As a friend. My mind is stimulated while other parts of me…aren’t. There will be no passionate Valentine’s Day kiss. I silently wish that on my next Valentine’s Day, I’ll be in love.
2015 – Be careful what you wish for. Valentine’s Day hits just a couple of weeks after I realize the person I’m in love with clearly doesn’t feel the same way about me. I want nothing more than to stay under the covers and hide from the day with a pint of Dutch Chocolate Almond ice cream. But I’d made plans to attend a concert that night. I’d had those plans all along, so I knew months before that I wouldn’t be spending the actual day with my new love, but I did picture a romantic make-up Valentine’s Day in the near future. I rip the covers off and head to the salon. On the way, I get into a minor car accident during a freak white-out snowstorm. There are jokes and memes about Elsa from Frozen being pissed about not having a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. I feel her pain. With so much idle time while waiting for my stylist to get to me, I use my idle hands to send a seriously ill-advised text to the one who broke my heart. It goes unanswered. Later, I head out to the Chris Brown and Trey Songz concert. Both of these fine-ass, rich and talented young men offer to be my Valentine for the night (Who cares if they made the same offer to the other thousands of women in attendance!) and I have a good time in spite of myself.
2016 – I’m just a couple of days away from a Valentine’s Day where I won’t be booed up with someone special. I’m still a few weeks removed from the shocking revelation that someone I saw a short-term future with has very suddenly gotten engaged to someone else. I can’t lie. I will be a little blue that day. Up in my feelings, somewhat. But I also know that I won’t feel the rock-bottom, can’t-face-the-day sadness that I felt last year. That’s something.
I have a dear friend who helps me see the positive in things. And she always asks me, “What’s the lesson?” I’ve learned from my bad, sometimes bizarrely bad, I-can’t-believe-this-shit-is-really-happening-to-me experiences. While I’m sometimes stumped about what I could have possibly learned from these experiences, I’ve learned to see the positives in them.
In 2014, I was out on a date with a gentleman who taught me things I didn’t know and treated me to a great meal. That chocolate lava cake was fire! While I was out having a good time, there were people home alone and miserable. Or, out with a partner they can no longer stand. While I may not have been in love, I was in great company.
In 2015, I was heartbroken. But that heartbreak came as a result of me going all in for love. This was something I’d been too scared to do in the past. Hell, I didn’t even know I was capable of loving that hard. Someday, some lucky man will benefit from me having gone through that experience. And, I got to see Chris and Trey put on an amazing show. Some people couldn’t afford the tickets. Some women may not have been able to fully enjoy the show and let loose because they were “stuck” with their hating boyfriends and husbands giving them the side-eye as Chris and Trey did their thing.
In 2016, I may be a little sad, but mostly I’ll be hopeful. I have a date lined up next week with someone my friend has been trying to set me up with for months. This is a cool friend whom I wouldn’t have even met if I didn’t have such a messy love life! And just this week, I’ve reconnected with not one, but two old loves! They’re not of the romantic nature. These are women who were like sisters to me. Knowing that it’s not too late for us to make our way back to each other keeps me hopeful. And I know that Valentine’s Day 2017 could be anything. A day full of memory-making love or melancholy or just laundry day. Besides, it’s only one day in an entire year. Instead of thinking too far ahead about what it might look like, I’ll just enjoy, as best as I can, all of the moments that lead up to it.